immanuel

"God with us... eternity's sonnet, heaven's hallelujah... the song of the redeemed"

-charles spurgeon

i'll suggest another song of the redeemed- "little drummer boy." i remember as a kid thinking this song was kinda silly, maybe because of the excessive drum beats. but now when i hear it, i'm disarmed by the last lines.

i played my drum for Him *drum beats*

i played my best for Him. *more drum beats*

then He smiled at me *and more drum beats*

me and my drum.

the boy gives all he can, which he feels isn't much ("i am a poor boy too... i have no gift to bring"), & Jesus SMILES. it serves as a reminder that He came to redeem us, fully, which includes delighting in us. we're not saved by a cold, detached being who just does what's needed & then disengages. and when we thank Him with our lives, by offering whatever our equivalent to drum-playing may be, He enjoys us & the gift. how motivating to play on, as meager a thing as we might think we're contributing.

merry christmas!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lasUhPa07w

cake

i should really be making some. it's been a while since i've baked & posted the outcome. maybe a dessert for when my uncles visit after christmas...

but for today, cake lyrics. from "sick of you"... the lines below echo the frost poem (see last post).

every shiny toy
that at first brings you joy
will always start to coy and annoy...
every piece of land,
every city that you plan,
will crumble into tiny grains of sand.
every thing you find that at first gives you shine
always turns into the same old crime (same old crime!)

and i can't decide if the repetition of "same old crime" is haunting or amusing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mi9MLL8QOY0

2 minutes, 27 seconds into it... yeah. eerie. (two people in bunny costumes doing cartwheels. also, eerie.)

GREAT lines. the song, as a whole, is a little cruel & i wouldn't sing it to anyone &/or love the idea of having it sung to me. but the point seems to be, what is the point? which again, begs the question, what will remain? what's worth investing in? all i can say to cake, & to myself, & to my 3 readers, is:

"praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! in his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, & into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. this inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. in all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. these have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls" (1 peter 1:3-8).

thank you, awesome Father, for your gift of redemption that never loses its shine.

robert frost. sigh.

i had a college professor who wanted to school us the in the real robert frost. during our study of frost, he asked how we felt about the quintessential frost lines "i took the [road] less traveled by...& that has made all the difference." most of us felt it conjured positive emotion based on a decision the speaker was content with. but professor said, in context, it seems the speaker's indicating a sense of loss & possibly regret over not having chosen the other road. he recalls the divide in the yellow wood & makes his assessment with a sigh.

professor further supported his argument by showing us the bleaker, lesser known poetry of robert frost. the one about the end of the world ("fire & ice," which professor found hilarious), & another about how things inevitably lose their luster.

this lecture, circa 1998, came back to me the other day when i was in the car half spaced out, half listening to coldplay. there's a song on prospekt's march that touches on the idea that everything that glitters isn't gold. i'm not saying coldplay was inspired (or depressed) by the poetry of frost, but the lyrics sound kinda like frost's "nothing gold can stay" (below).

nature's first green is gold,

her hardest hue to hold.

her early leaf's a flower;

but only so an hour.

then leaf subsides to leaf.

so eden sank to grief,

so dawn goes down to day.

nothing gold can stay.

and from coldplay's "lost"- "every river that i tried to cross, every door i ever tried was locked, & i'm just waiting 'til the shine wears off." i resonate with the poem & song, but not in the fullest sense. i agree w/frost. nothing here, even of the highest material value, will remain. everything in its present form will fade away. which informs our affections & drives our goals.

"come, buy and eat! come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. why spend money on what is not bread, & your labor on what does not satisfy? listen, listen to me, & eat what is good, & you will delight in the richest of fare. give ear & come to me; listen, that you may live. i will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to david... seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near" (isaiah 55:1-6).

even from the book about life's vanity, with its numerous references to our fleeting pleasures & meaningless toil, the final word is "remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, i have no pleasure in them" (ecclesiastes 12:1).

just as i am.

ginny owens has an album of hymns that i must purchase before day's end. i think my two faves are "just as i am" (below) & "it is well."

http://www.ilike.com/artist/Ginny+Owens/track/Just+As+I+Am

also, diving bell & butterfly update. there's a raw quality to the way bauby relays his experiences at berck in france, the hospital he lives in after stroke. but not so raw that he comes across as completely callous. medical professionals & old friends treat him differently b/c of his new appearance, his confinement & inability to speak. but what's more hurtful to him than uncomfortable looks, or the awkward conversations that whirl around him, is what's said behind his back. he refers to the gossipers as vultures looking to pounce on him the moment tragedy has hit. they call him a vegetable. they express disdain for his new condition. they strip him of his humanity.

motivated in part by hearing about some of these comments, he begins to write a monthly update on his life at berck. in response, numerous letters pour in. letters from new admirers, & from old friends breaking their silence. the deluge of support afforded by the correspondence heartens bauby & seems to revive him as often as they're re-read. "i hoard all of these letters," he writes. "one day i hope to fasten them end to end in a half-mile streamer, to float in the wind like a banner raised to the glory of friendship.

it will keep the vultures at bay."

WWPD

this picture of kobe bryant shows him doing something cool whilst about to fall. sometimes, one falls down & it's humiliating 'cause there's not really a good reason. and in these great crises of life, i like to ask the pressing question, what would pedro do? pedro's been guiding me ever since i discovered his inveterate employment with South of the Border. i figured if he's worked at such a multi-faceted yet low-budget "highway oasis" for so long, surely he has some conventional wisdom for the rest of us.

so i'm at a meeting last night & have to get up for some water about an hour and a half in. discussion about serious stuff ensues as i stand to get my water. i failed to check on whether or not my feet had fallen asleep due to being seated in the same position for 1.5 hours. i stand up for about half a second & then collapse on the floor. also, i moaned something indiscernible. this was not due to a twisted/broken ankle or some gloriously painful injury. i wanta say it was because i was embarrassed when i realized why i had fallen. so everyone was a little worried at first, then mostly laughing when i explained what happened. what would pedro have done in the situation? laugh at himself. get up & get the water. then offer to repeat what happened for more laughs. and he would tell the story later with some really amusing embellishments. i didn't do the third thing (or the fourth thing yet), but i think on a scale of 1 to 10, pedro would give me about a 7.

on another, less embarrassing subject, i'm reading the diving bell & the butterfly. more when i'm finished. but for now, suffice it to say it's been wonderful to get more descriptive detail of some of the anecdotes depicted in the film (see 11/15 post). i'll go ahead & recommend because 1, i'm kind of obsessed with jean-dominique bauby's story, and 2, it's very well-written, meaningful, thought-provoking, colorful & honest.

z is for awesome

so proud! last week, one of my lit professors at cola coll, Dr. Zubizaretta (or Dr. Z), was named prof of the year by the carnegie foundation. my favorite class w/him was a southern short story course. he dedicated plenty of time to flannery o'connor. he loves her. he brought her grotesque characters to (even greater) life. he had a good understanding of o'connor's religious background & beliefs. and he seemed to really enjoy the bizarre, disturbing twists at the end of her stories. the more unhinged the characters became, the more he seemed to like it. it was fun to read things through his eyes! learn more about him & the recent award here:

http://www.thestate.com/2010/11/20/1569615/heros-welcome-for-professor-of.html#storylink=addthis

incredible.

there are movies that really stun you and change you. or at least, you watch them & hope you'll be changed. the diving bell & the butterfly was that way for me. docudrama about a man who has a stroke that renders him paralyzed & unable to speak. he learns to communicate through a blinking system. speech therapist calls out letters, beginning with the most commonly used, & he responds by blinking when she says the letter he wants. a painstaking process.

main character jean-dominique bauby made a crucial decision post- stroke. he came to a point where, after wrestling with his new/vast limitations, he reflected on what he did have left: his memory & his imagination. and the ability to blink his way toward sharing that with people.

interspersed with scenes where his memoir's being transcribed are powerful interactions between bauby & his dying father. and then between bauby & his own kids. interactions that prompted him to reflect on the father need in all of us. good lines that i won't spoil! watch it. absorb it. love it. start with this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G69Zh7YIg8c

road trip revelations

i just took new car on his first road trip to savannah. for friend aimee's birthday.

some would argue the car's gender should be feminine. but this is not the case. i've chosen to name him paco. and girls who went to savannah (bday girl, lauren, & kari) unanimously sanctioned this choice. i'll have to remind them of this sanctioning once the incessant paco references become annoying. or maybe i can censor myself on occasion. anyways, paco took a little hit this weekend. but you wouldn't know it unless you looked really close. on our way to georgia, we heard a loud thud whilst going 70 on the interstate (& it was brought to my attention that i could've been going faster) but looked around & saw no cracks on windshield or windows. we conjectured it was a piece of tire & later discovered what appeared to be tiny skid marks on windshield. while paco is basically unscathed, i'll admit i was rattled & didn't stop shaking for the next 10 minutes.

in addition to helping me land on a name for vehicle & revealing his fortitude, this road trip also revealed to me- & i'm ashamed to admit it, & i'm pretty sure paco is too- i have the lamest music collection for a road trip, unless driver & passengers are all looking to nap all the way to destination. srsly. no party tunes. a few soundtracks w/maybe an upbeat song or 2. but i have absolutely no music that would engender some waist-up vehicular embarrassment. thankfully, the girls kept decent attitudes despite this deplorable lack. but if paco could talk, i'm fairly certain he would've scolded me & asked for a new owner.

another revelation- i love driving late at night. it's peaceful. and traffic signals are easier to see.

in a somewhat unrelated side note, by way of explanation of the pic, our hotel room was graced w/this wall-hanging. so, intermittently throughout the weekend, we referenced what good times were being had in savann. there may or may not have also been some self-guided touring. since the only things i could remember from a prior trip to savann were that midnight in the garden of good & evil and forrest gump (in part) were filmed there, i made frequent references to this or that place being the spot of filming. historically speaking, it left something to be desired.

hopefully, bday girl was still happy. we love you, aimee! and paco sends hugs.

thanks, tina! & thank you, Father!

sister in law tina gave me this recipe long ago, & i love her for it. it's been a couple years since i've made it, but i'm bringin it back as soon as an opportunity presents itself, most likely for a holiday thing with co-workers. the combination of ingredients may sound strange (ie., jar of salsa with spinach), but it's wonderful. the part that takes the most time & makes it a little messy, or maybe more annoying, is cutting the cream cheese into cubes. but it's worth the effort & minor mess. enjoy!

Tina's Spinach Dip
Ingredients:
1 (16-oz) jar salsa
1 (10-oz) package chopped spinach
2 c. shredded monterrey jack cheese
1 (8-oz) package cream cheese, softened
1 c. evaporated milk (or half n half)
1 T. red wine vinegar or balsamic vinegrette
salt n pepper to taste

Directions: preheat oven to 400. in a medium baking dish, mix together salsa, spinach, cheese, cream cheese (cut into cubes), evaporated milk, red wine vinegar, salt and pepper. bake 12 to 15 minutes, or until bubbly. serve with chips or crackers of choice (personal preference is frito scoops :)


...& some food for thought while it bakes- had some challenging discussion last night at small group. it was about the affections. how we cling to things other than Jesus. it reminded me of the verse in ecclesiastes about eternity being placed in our hearts. and about c.s. lewis's thoughts re: the "things temporal" vying for our attention/affection despite knowing, intellectually, that He's better, truer & more beautiful (see october 29th post). thought you might like to see a little more of his insights:

"when we try to keep within us an area that's our own, we try to keep an area of death. therefore, in love, He claims all. ...the fatal choice is the permitted, regularised presence of an area in ourselves which we still claim for our own. we may never, this side of death, drive the invader out of our territory. but we must be in the resistance."

thank you, awesome Father! You are for us in the fray!

more recycling (& reading :)

cherith just provided another recycling tip- Skirt Magazine pages as gift tissue! (works well w/solid-colored gift bags, apparently)

and i urge you to read c.s. lewis's lecture "a slip of the tongue," about our affinity for guarding "our things temporal." below is a link to an excerpt:

http://cs80.wordpress.com/about/cs-lewis-the-weight-of-glory/cs-lewis-a-slip-of-the-tongue/

full text is in the weight of glory, a collection of essays, etc:

http://www.amazon.com/Weight-Glory-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060653205

maybe this will whet your appetite: "for it is not so much of our time & so much of our attention that God demands; it is not even all our time & all our attention; it is ourselves... for He has, in the last resort, nothing to give us but Himself; and He can give that only insofar as our self-affirming will retires & makes room for Him in our souls."

an engagement announcement & free wrapping paper

future sister in law Cherith (whose engagement to my brother is announced here: http://www.legacy.com/TheState/Celebrations.asp?Page=Announcement&PersonID=146126196... thanks for showin me, Caroline!) recently shared a tip that i feel has to be passed on. however, only locals need read on. Skirt Magazine is a columbia/augusta/aiken monthly rag; it's free; it has a clean layout. it's (sometimes) interesting to page through. the idea- recycle it by using as wrapping paper. not every page has a cute/fun design that lends itself to this second use. but i'd say in each issue, you should be able to rip at least 4 or 5 out that could double as gift paper. also- it's free! being redundant, i know, but who doesn't love free stuff in these hard economic times. also- the pages are longer than the traditional magazine page. try it! you might like. (side note in case you were curious: the gift depicted in photo to the right is Cherith's engagement surcie. thank you Aimee, for helpin indecisive me land on some cute, earthy notecards from target. high excitement!)

p.s. by way of a heads up, future posts (depending on my mood) might be written by paco. see below entry, item #3. paco, with his penchant for dancing, might make things more interesting. we'll see.

3 things i need

1. i need for someone to make lyrics like these GO AWAY:

"it feels like i'm drowning... in ice water"

HUH!?!

"i used to be lovedrunk, now i'm hungover"

or

"boys boys boys, we like boys in cars. boys boys boys, buy us drinks in bars"

really??? make it stop!!!

2. also- i need to watch roman holiday. it was recommended to me recently, audrey hepburn's in it, i need to see it.

3. also- i need to tell you about the best greeting card ever. paco is on the front. paco is a dancer. paco is eager to dance with you.

the outside reads: "your birthday makes paco want to dance. will you join paco in the dancing? even if you will not... paco... must... dance!" & inside: "don't disappoint paco. dance!"

fireside dessert

camping. the word conjures visions of fires, tents, sleeping bags, streams in which you brush your teeth & wash your dishes (dishes at a different place in the stream, please), walks through the woods, & starry nights if you're lucky. unless you kick it RV-style & then i can't tell you what's in the mind's eye cause it's not a realm i've ventured into. this post isn't about camping in general, though. it's about a very specific moment on the last camping trip i went on. best dessert around a fire ever. s'mores are aight...

but this banana ridiculousness was life-changing. friend who planned our trip said she heard about it from a friend; i wanta send this person a very large, generous gift. she has brought heaven to me in the form of bananas, melted chocolate & marshmallows.

this heavenly package should be wrapped in tin foil. place banana in the foil. cut banana (still in the peel) down the middle, leaving the back side of peel uncut. stuff marshmallows in the middle of banana, and chocolate bar pieces around banana & marshmallows. tuck them in wherever they'll fit, really. no exact amount on the chocolate, & placement isn't crucial. it's not crucial because you wrap it up & put the banana in foil somewhere near your campfire coals, then it all melts into something ridiculously messy & glorious.

it helps that i love bananas. but even the campers among us who aren't as crazy about bananas were saying how delightful it was.

it also didn't hurt that we had a small, GREAT group of women. something about being around a fire... definitely tends toward laying the soul bare. next time you're camping, enjoy the soul-baring & banana-boating. and you can thank my friend's friend. and the Giver of all good gifts!

your generosity undoes me

recently watched nicholas nickleby, a 2002 film based on a charles dickens novel set in late 1830's england. it's about a 19 year old who's thrown into the role of breadwinner / head of the family after the untimely death of his father. maybe because of the less than gracious way his uncle deals with him in the wake of that loss, he's surprised to find kindness in some of the places it surfaces. the most stirring example is when a guileless stranger offers him a reputable job at twice the salary he was paid in his former employment (which was at a home where orphaned boys were treated cruelly). i love nicholas' reaction to the offer. noticing his surprise, the gentleman offering him the new job says "were you expecting more?" nicholas quickly responds "no. it is your generosity that undoes me."

it made me think of the startling generosity of Jesus. for our sakes He became poor. i was His enemy, but He called me friend. the beautiful but of redemption- i was once vile & unclean & far from Him (as far away as i could be), but i was WASHED & brought NEAR. thank you, Father! what else can i say? i'm disarmed by this incomprehensible grace & unlimited patience.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XG7hVInkfes&feature=related

his name means happy

four-year-old friend asher's name means happy. and it's fitting. when he thinks you absolutely have to hear what's on his mind, he jumps around & yells your name til you're paying attention. when he needs a hug, he enthusiastically goes for it. if he wants to go camping, he invites you along & says we'll roast marshmallows & play games (& watch a movie?? :) ...when he wants to download game apps on your phone, he acts like it'll be the highlight of his year. he laughs at every joke, especially his own, & he even likes to explain jokes so everyone can fully join in. (ie. sister ellie says "why didn't the orange make it across the street?" answer: "he ran out of juice" ... asher laughs heartily, then explains "the juice was the gas, get it?"... then laughs heartily again.)

i love his happiness (& inexplicably contagious laughter), the ready affection, & growing heart for other people- during family prayer time, asher is bent on remembering haiti & chile. did i mention he's four. may God increase his compassion for the world & preserve his cheerful spirit.

any little reason

give thanks in everything. for little things, or things that may seem inconsequential, we still say thank you, awesome Father.

- a few good deals this weekend on some fall clothes
- a good burger for supper last night & time w/brother to watch a movie
- 19 accident-free days at the local poultry plant

yes, this last item is actually a reason that some are giving thanks over there at columbia farms off sunset boulevard in west columbia. it's celebrated on a marquee out front. walked by there w/friends the other night (don't worry about why we were walking down sunset at night), & we found it amusing that 19 days sans a poultry-processing incident would be cause for such delight. but sometimes it's the small things. even one day, casualty free at the plant, is cause for thanks i guess.

i recently came across a penetrating question posed by francis schaeffer- "what is the present value of the love of Christ in your life?" which i think relates to the admonition to "give thanks in everything"... if the love of Christ in my life has high value right now, it's helping me see all things- little things, disappointing things, days w/o any harmful accidents, etc.- as from the hand of a good, kind, righteous, loving, just, wise, powerful, gracious Father. do we need his help to understand & remember this? yes! do we need a photo of the above-referenced marquee? i say yess, for some humor slash entertainment, for posterity, and for a reminder to be grateful for it all. check out this aerial view of the slaughterhouse:
http://wikimapia.org/10985675/Columbia-Farms-chicken-processing-plant

...& the slogan there is priceless- "truckloads of live chickens go in; truckloads of frozen chickens & a horrible smell come out." we'll push past the odor to beat all & be thankful for another injury-free day.

a few things

1. co-worker feels inspired to try her hand at some baking. so i invited myself over. should be this weekend sometime! her idea? sweet potato cheesecake. how will it not be amazing!?

2. took a break from elie wiesel's short stories to read his novella the accident. more on plot, etc. soon, but for now i'll say his take on the city of blinding lights especially struck me. i heart new york as much as the next, but his haunting description of times square was worth re-reading & sitting with for a while: "times square hadn't changed. false lights, artificial shadows. the same anonymous crowd twisting and untwisting. in the bars and the stores, the same tunes hitting away at your temples with thousands of invisible little hammers. the neon signs still announced that to drink this or that was good for your health, for happiness, for the peace of the world, of the soul, and of i don't know what else."

3. loving psalm 18 (for the vivid & detailed description of a great rescue). be encouraged by vs. 16 & 49, by way of summary- "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters... therefore, i will praise you among the nations; i will sing praises to your name"

it was good?

when i taught english, i banned the word good. i told my students it was bland & overused & their writing could be more colorful than "that character was good," or "the plot was mostly nice" but "the ending was really bad." our "dead words" tutorial, re: words they weren't allowed to use in their papers, was complete w/memorial service, laminated tombstone, & homily... (tis true.)

but now i think i'm needing a tutorial on good. i'm a slow learner, & this- "it was good for me to be afflicted that i might learn your decrees" -psalm 119:71- is a hard teaching.

Father, help me embrace your good ways. help me love your goodness. help me learn to value the good work you do of drawing near & teaching me. give me a thankful heart that "through thorny ways," you lead to a joyful end.

"the nearness of God is my good" -psalm 73:28

cocoa & cream cake, & time w/hannah's lil men

saturday afternoons at the edgrens are perfect. especially when baking with hannah & spending time with her 3 adorable active boys is on the docket. arrived during naptime today, dad & eldest son michael were off at the water park. hannah had gotten most of the ingredients together for pioneer woman's cocoa & cream cake (pw's ccc). my contribution was chocolate chips & a block of cream cheese. here's a full list of ingredients & steps:

http://thepioneerwoman/tasty-kitchen/recipes/desserts/cocoa-and-cream-cake

thankfully, youngest son grady woke up about halfway in. hannah had finished mixing the batter, then G was able to oversee me making the cream cheese mixture. (smiled the whole time, despite nursing a virus.) and before we put the two together, he looked like he wanted to do some damage, as you can see in pic above left.

final outcome melted in our mouths. the chocolate cake part's light & fluffy, not overpoweringly sweet, & the cream cheese mix gives it the gooey richness our hearts desired. those are hannah's technical terms;) (side note: husband jon seemed gratified, post- his toils at the water park, to eat two helpings of pw's ccc.)

a special non-desserty treat was middle son jonathan singing "our God is so big" & "God our Father" after napping. wish i'd captured his expression of sheer delight on film. also would love to share in that delight. God our Father, we thank Thee for our many blessings, ah-ah-men! i thank Him for the blessing this family's been. for desserts. and saturday afternoons playing with thomas the train, watching thomas movies, & reading thomas books with han's lil men.

christianity is the only religion whose god...

...bears the scars of evil. -os guiness

although my mind is perplexed & divided, my nature perverse, yet my secret dispositions still desire Thee... break the fatal enchantment that binds my evil affections, & bring me to a happy mind that rests in Thee, for Thou hast made me & cannot forget me. let the Spirit teach me the vital lessons of Christ, for i am slow to learn; & hear my broken cries. -valley of vision


He is God of the universe; He is gentle & humble in heart.
He says "come to Me, weary. i give rest to your soul."
He says "there's change around you? i'm your constant companion & am the same yesterday & always."
He says "are you having difficulty getting (& keeping) your bearings? My word & character are firm ground."
He says "do you feel misunderstood, disliked, neglected, out of place, insignificant? anyone who speaks or thinks ill of you can't know the depths of you like i do. and knowing your worst, i'm still here. you belong to Me. and i'm showing perseverance & love to people through you."
He says "take heart. i've overcome your fears, the accuser's end is certain, i am for you. and it's unthinkable for Me to leave."

this month's books. and a plea!

so i landed on this month's reading material- thanks to brother's gf whose stash of books i hadn't eyed til the other night (if you don't like to loan books out, guard your stash well whilst i'm around). i joined her recently for an evening of relaxing/studying, but little did i know i'd actually be restless til i found a book (or books) from her shelves to keep me company the next few weeks. i'm now reading two: one fiction, one non. the fiction's a collection of elie wiesel's short stories called legends of our time. i read night a few years ago, loved it, & didn't realize he had several other works. score!

legends' first story is called "the death of my father"- pretty chilling. the narrator wonders how to properly commemorate his father's passing at the year mark...difficult to do since father died at buchenwald & the "holocaust defies reference, analogy." he decides to go ahead & spend time at the synagogue, light the candles, say the kaddish (prayer for the departed), but it feels inadequate & only underscores the narrator's sense of his own "impotence." the second book i started last night, also from cherith's shelf, is truefaced. i'd heard good things about it several months ago, so it caught my eye...chapter 1 seems pretty promising. it can't hurt to be reminded of the benefit of opening up for healing to happen (reference watermark's first album & the track entitled "open me up"!)

the other, & more important, intention of this post is to tell you about a witty friend of mine, a friend with varied interests (& knowledge in those areas of interest), who needs to be writing! she'd be one of my must-read bloggers, for sure. whether she wrote about re-decorating her den, raising baby, fashion, food, whatever, it would have to be amusing because her daily commentary on life is just that. her husband agrees. and i'm pretty sure if her adorable 19-month-old son could say it, he would- "mommy, blog about me. and me & henry (the dog). and me & dad. and my irresistible smile. and how cute i look when i run around in the jean-diaper thing. also, how talented i am at stalling bedtime." husband has actually given up b/c she's refused the idea for so long. i only started begging a few weeks ago, though, so i probably have some steam left.

DO IT, elizabeth! the blogosphere needs your keen wit & lovable sarcasm. i fully expect the subject of your first post would be your entertaining & precious lil man, but don't forget there's some pretention out there that needs humbling. DO IT!

amazing!!!

it's one of those summer afternoon storms, & i'm hearing ear-piercing peals of thunder, & i have to say woww. the same God who makes this happen has redeemed me. and will continue to redeem. the powerful, personal God!

"He redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion"

-psalm 103:4

"You have redeemed my soul from the pit of emptiness,

You have redeemed my soul from death.

i was a hungry child, a dried up river,

i was a burned out forest,

& no one could do anything for me.

but You put food in my body,

water in my dry bed,

& to my blackened branches,

You brought the springtime green of a new life,

& nothing is impossible for You"

-waterdeep

amazing! what language shall i borrow to thank thee, dearest Friend?

in reading news, i haven't been able to find an adequate replacement for letters to an american lady, which i wrapped up a few weeks ago. after something that had captured & encouraged me so well, it's hard to know what next... i imagine my attempt to read Twilight will fail (yes, i picked it up this weekend at a yard sale hoping to appease co-workers who've spent months trying to get me to join their edward fan club). so my other bright idea was another c.s. lewis... maybe his lecture re: theology as poetry. not shocking. in the meantime, i dance around the pages of 3-4 books... the rare jewel of Christian contentment, valley of vision, julie & julia, & something else i can't remember...

...& i don't hear the thunder anymore! maybe/hopefully more tomorrow :)

trifle addendum

back in march, i made a trifle per sister-in-law. and it's a long story, but i didn't actually get to taste it... so thankfully, co-worker recently made a yummy trifle that no doubt was better (due to crushed-up heath bar!) & that i did get to taste. enjoy the pic here of her beautiful delicious mess. check back at the march entry for directions, & just add the heath-bar layer(s)!

and again, voila. and yum. and it made for the perfect denouement to a most enjoyable staff luncheon. (i sometimes like to leave out the lil part about the aforementioned lunch being held as a farewell to two staff-members. it's just too much!)

ps. co-worker was inspired to make trifle b/c she saw trifle bowl at target & really wanted to buy it. she was duly given a hard time about that, but it's one of those things that makes her that much more loveable!

WWPD

i came home last night to a quiet house after a weekend up in DC for a wedding. traditionally, this is a time when roaches are at their peak at winyah manor. but i had a new experience last night: roach in kitchen sink (RKS). a kitchen sink (for once) not lined/stacked with dirty dishes. i calmly steered it toward the garbage disposal & rinsed/grinded it down, not wanting to take the time to run & get roach spray, & thinking a shoe wouldn't be so practical for the space i was working with. and i don't know if it was b/c i'd just driven back from DC & it was fresh on my mind, or if it was b/c of recent discussion on the point, but pedro came to mind. pedro is your friendly South of the Border (SOB) employee. multiple south of the border billboards ("caliente!") greeted us on our travels up & back this weekend. and the SOB complex tried to lure us with its kitschy sombrero decor & various restaurants & shops. but we didn't stop. even though it's america's self-proclaimed "favorite highway oasis"...

i'd recently heard talk of the bathrooms there, as in, they are deplorably messy (& the opposite of oasis-like). so when i encountered RKS, i thought about pedro & wondered what he would do (WWPD). i tend to think he's pretty laidback. and with the amount of roaches he's likely seen & inevitably been charged with killing, i feel like he'd be pretty unphased. i hope he'd be proud of my handling of RKS, & should there be an RBS, RSC, or RMBW (roach in bathroom sink, roach in shower curtain, roach in master-bedroom wardrobe), i hope i'll have the wherewithal to react as pedro would. SOB is, actually, up to standards apparently. their eateries' DHEC grades are solid A's, though i don't think it was in round 1 that said grades were acquired. i'll also add, as some of you may already know, they have a sweet wedding-weekend package. waterbed in honeymoon suite, breakfast included. a mere 99 dollars. nuptials at SOB! can't fully tell you how excited i was to learn this.

and lest you think that either 1) i'm making assumptions by referring to an SOB employee as pedro, or 2) that i'm fabricating the 99-dollar wedding deal, check it out here:
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/2211

kneading & more kneading, & some learning

a friend who has a bread-making hobby (skill!! gift!?) recently shared tips she learned while living w/ a retired couple in the country last year. quote of the day while baking: "it makes me feel like a pilgrim." below is her rough how-to for making white bread, rough only b/c she's become so familiar w/ it that she eyeballs most of it. the process takes a few hours due to the kneading, letting it rise, kneading again, etc.*

Jeannie's Home-made Bread
- a mug of lukewarm water w/ 2 yeast packets
- 1/3 c. oil
- another mug filled w/ lukewarm water
- 1/4 c. sugar
keep adding flour to the above till it's dough. knead dough, place back in bowl to rise (pour a little oil in bowl to keep bread from drying out as it rises); after an hour or so, knead again & let it rise. after another hr., knead & fold dough into 2 loaves. cooking spray in 2 bread pans, bake at 375 for 15 (ish) minutes


also- recent encouragement from psalm 25:14 & john 15:15- "He confides in those who fear Him..." (The Message says "God-friendship is for God-worshippers"), & "i have called you friends"...

help! the vast chasm that is the human heart will only rest & be contented in this kind of companionship. so i'm encouraged to draw from Him & know Him myself as deeply as possible this side of eternity, & to direct others there. thankful for reminders from godly women in my life to ASK Him for this & to keep in mind that it's a PROCESS. and growing in this Love, we increasingly want to dispense it & say "come & see"/"BEHOLD! what love He's lavished." oswald explains it well:

"The knowledge that God has loved me to the uttermost, to the end of all my sin and meanness and selfishness and wrong, will send me forth into the world to love in the same way. God's love to me is inexhaustible, and I must love others from the bedrock of God's love to me."
- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, May 11th


*a secret re: the bread- you can't knead too much b/c the bread becomes increasingly fluffy the more kneading you do. think PROCESS.

first attempt

took a stab at a pioneer woman recipe this week! kinda funny because i met her months ago- at a book signing in atlanta that friends caroline & stacy were going to. was easily convinced to go along for the qt w/the girls but went away... intrigued. fun that lately bff hannah's been perusing her recipes. we commit to trying her chocolate cobbler; we make it whilst her husband jon is on the GM diet (banana day!)...so, more cobbler for us. i do realize pw's pictures are much more glamorous & appealing- & her meticulous step by step is pretty great:
http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen-blog/2010/05/a-tasty-recipe-my-grannys-chocolate-cobbler/

it seemed a little strange to us that after the bottom layer (flour, baking powder, salt, cocoa, sugar, milk, butter & vanilla mixed), & then the crumbly layer, we were told to pour 1.5 c of water on top...but as odd as it looked going in to the oven, it came out a beautiful, delicious mess. we were surprised that it wasn't ridiculously rich, though maybe the last bite of a serving will do you in :)

literary update: still trudging through, in a good way, letters to an american lady (c.s. lewis). it's unlike me to focus on one book at a time. but letters is pretty packed & i've re-read a number of the passages. his letter dated june 7, 1959, hit on paul's declaration in philippians 1 that "to live is Christ, to die is gain." clive would argue that paul's not being morbid but expressing a healthy perspective here. more on this later!

another treat in letters- wife joy takes the pen for a moment, when husband grew weary of his insane correspondence commitments. this was my first exposure to her perspective on life, love, etc. i so wish i could sit & have coffee w/this woman. appreciated her insight into why it can be hard to receive help. she had to be waited on a good bit once she became ill; this dependence attacked her pride; but she learned to recognize that if a person gives/helps another, it's for their joy in the faith & their spiritual growth...& why would i want to get in the way of that!?

things to consider

faithful encouragers in my life have recently pointed these things out to me... things that i/we need to recall but are so easy to forget...

psalm 107:43- "let him who is wise consider the great love of the Lord"

"only one thing is needed... mary chose it"

"Jesus as the Christ-Prophet is more believable in what He says about you than what you feel about yourself"

"our depths of doubt and sense of the darkness in our hearts lead us to perishable thoughts yet they war with those of hope eternal. in the end, the latter prevaileth!"


...& still enjoying lewis's letters to an american lady. will probably report on take-aways once i'm done, but continuing to benefit from his thoughts on suffering/humility interspersed w/his ramblings about the dailiness. i'm also impressed w/the way he typically signs off- by promising to pray for her if he can't sleep & expressing his hope that "our Lord will support you as only He can."

!!!

also- will do some baking tonight w/christy- maybe zucchini (or banana?) bread. one more round before she moves away forever & enters into marital bliss.

cobbler & c.s.

blueberry cobbler's the most recent baking project with christy. we bought a 2-cup bag of frozen blueberries- strain your eyes & you'll see a decent amount of the juice in the pic... initially wondered if it would be too much. but we decided that was actually its strong point- kept it from being sickly sweet & made it just the right level of moist! so, if you try it, & you go with frozen blueberries, once thawed, let any juice from the bag go where it will. another thing i love about this recipe is the touch of cinnamon on top! (and take note of christy's sweet engagement ring :)

here's the recipe: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/very-best-blueberry-cobbler/detail.aspx

and some food for thought from c.s. lewis. currently reading his letters to an american lady. despite never having met in person, their conversation appears to have run the gamut. a lot of chit-chat, but certainly also the depth that the man can't help but go to. check it out on amazon / enjoy the quote below.

http://www.amazon.com/Letters-American-Lady-C-Lewis/dp/080281428X

"we should mind humiliation less if we were humbler. it is, at any rate, a form of suffering which we can try to offer, in our small way, along with the supreme humiliation of Christ Himself. it is the humble and meek who have all the blessings in the magnificat."

this may've been written in response to some humiliating experience the "american lady" had informed him of, but the book only includes lewis's side of the correspondence. in any case, i was challenged. and have a renewed hope that pride & selfishness, by degrees, may die!

"thanks be to God- through Jesus Christ our Lord!" -romans 7:25

Christ the end of the law

Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes.
-romans 10:4

crazy/amazing that the one who became our righteousness, & therefore saves us, is also Friend. when i think of the holiness needed to atone for sin, the power & strength needed to save a soul, and His utter magnificence & beauty, i’m floored. that He loves. knows. comes near. and i pray for this (Him!) to be all my hope & peace. when i’m not receiving what He offers & trying to forge my own way, when i see His authority & power as divorced from or devoid of tenderness, it seems i’m saying “You might leave me in the lurch...”- indicting words from oswald chambers, who friend liz describes as mad wise.

“let the truth prevail over unbelief”
-keith getty


the photo here is of grandfather (poppa), a few weeks before he passed, & cherith (younger brother's gf). wanted to make a few comments about his funeral last weekend. it was honoring to him, i thought, particularly my uncle tom’s eulogy- eloquent and heartfelt. which didn’t surprise me because tom's a seasoned writer & my wordsmith-hero. afterward, i was telling him how much it blessed the family to hear it. his response was that he felt it was inadequate / didn’t do justice to poppa. as someone who lives by words, he said, “i find more and more that words often fall short.” another highlight of the service was my sister-in-law’s performance of “i will arise & go to Jesus.” she noted poppa’s present/complete Joy in the last lines of the song: “…and in the arms of his dear Savior, oh there are ten thousand charms”

enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKxZAJ3jlxA


on the baking front, i’m coming up dry at the moment. BUT- plans for some sort of cobbler soon with christy. stay tuned :)

for grandfather

i used to stay at your house:
cousin filled slumber parties
soft glow of christmas tree & glitter of gifts beneath
we rolled up with sleeping bags & make-up collections-
not exhausted despite full days of chasing stray cats,
chinese freeze tag, endless photo shoots,
& embarrassing musical performances.

you seemed entertained by all of it;
eyes lit up when your home was holiday-style full,
smile ear to ear at multiple embraces.
you made your trademark dessert- charlotte rousse-
& could've eaten it all by yourself

sweets were your vice; humor- the default;
& world war 2 stories- your expertise.
now your mind and body decline.
the hearty laugh- & coherent narrative flow of glory-day anecdotes-
echo back into a past that can't be retrieved.
you don't recognize ones you once doted on,
you wouldn't recognize yourself

i don't say this to deflate the ones that love you,
who, in a way, you've already left behind,
but somehow with a somber nostalgic recounting
of days before this (the desolate now)
to pay you tribute & say goodbye

-march 2010

we went through fire & water,

& you brought us to a place of abundance- psalm 66:12

looking forward to a song along these lines from friend corrie. this week, we started studying psalm 66 together, & her feeling is that it's best learned by putting it to music. which i'm more than ok with! (other passages she's written songs for are psalms 34 & 46- & she has a voice like jewel, oh man)

the above verse has been sitting on me for a few days. i keep hearing reports of good gospel work in a pain-ravaged haiti; i think about the people i love whose lives are in emotional upheaval- yet they worship Him; i reflect on joseph's "fruitfulness in the land of (his) suffering." it is a marvel. not only am i stunned by His ability to bring joy from sorrow, i'm awestruck at His example of suffering with candor & acceptance ("take this from Me...yet not My will"). sometimes i look around at the ways He's working, & i think, does it have to be this way... couldn't there be "abundance" without the "fire & water"..? but it's a way He has walked & He helps us along. this is such amazing love, my mind can't even start to take it in. it's what author pamela rosewell moore refers to as "safer than a known way."

on another note, it is now spring! & therefore time for play & pimento cheese. hannah's oldest son turns 4 tomorrow...& she's making sandwiches for the park. the pimento sandwiches sound delish yet simple- grated cheddar, cream cheese, mayo, salt/pepper, pimentos, bread- voila!

for all things, awesome Father, make us grateful!

what wondrous love

think 1 john 3 / galatians 4. amazinggg!

"What matters supremely, therefore, is not, in the last analysis, the fact that I know God, but the larger fact which underlies it - the fact that he knows me. I am graven on the palms of his hands. I am never out of his mind. All my knowledge of him depends on his sustained initiative in knowing me. I know him because he first knew me, and continues to know me. He knows me as a friend, one who loves me; and there is no moment when his eye is off me, or his attention distracted from me, and no moment, therefore, when his care falters. This is momentous knowledge. There is unspeakable comfort - the sort of comfort that energizes, be it said, not enervates - in knowing that God is constantly taking knowledge of me in love and watching over me for my good. There is tremendous relief in knowing that his love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench his determination to bless me. There is, certainly, great cause for humility in the thought that he sees all the twisted things about me that my fellow humans do not see (and am I glad!), and that he sees more corruption in me than that which I see in myself (which, in all conscience, is enough). There is, however, equally great incentive to worship and love God in the thought that, for some unfathomable reason, he wants me as his friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given his Son to die for me in order to realize this purpose."

-J.I. Packer (Knowing God)

trifle!

this weekend, my sister in law gave me a great- & simple- chocolate trifle recipe... a bonus to hanging out w/ her, brother, & their 4 sweet ones! (the only damper- realizing the years have flown, as nephew is due to turn ELEVEN this may!?)

okay, trifle:
first layer- crumbled brownies (choose any chocolate-y boxed mix)
second- drizzle chocolate syrup
third- chocolate pudding (large box)
fourth- whipped cream
repeat
top w/ crushed whoppers

chill until ready to serve. and you'll love the level of difficulty to taste ratio here!

it's friday! have a recipe

recently had the fortune of learning a new poppyseed bread/cake. friend & hero in the kitchen christy bequeathed the recipe to me & i feel honored- apparently it's a longtime family favorite. which makes sense because i brought some to the office & the co-workers couldn't get the recipe fast enough. and christy has allowed it to be passed on...

2 c unsifted flour

1 t salt

1 T baking powder

1 1/2 c sugar

1 T poppy seeds

2 eggs

3/4 c oil

1 c milk

1 t each of almond, vanilla

mix dry ingredients. combine other ingredients in separate bowl, then add to dry. bake in greased loaf pan 1 hr at 350.

this is where it gets funnn! leave bread in pan, & while still warm, drizzle over the following:

1 T oj concentrate

1 T water

6 T sugar

1/4 t each almond, vanilla

then try not to eat the whole loaf in one sitting. and good luck!

suggestion for a saturday

Columbia’s Gourmet Shop (GS) in 5 Points is changing lives. I recently met 3 co-workers* there for a late Saturday lunch. The 4 of us may or may not own matching T-shirts from a local pub, Hunter-Gatherer (H-G), so we’re pretty geeky. But maybe GS can help remedy that. We sampled two of their desserts- red velvet cake & tuxedo balls- highly recommended (& I think I can speak for the group). Coming soon on a Saturday, we also plan to do their dollar-a-glass wine tasting. (Geekiness solved?)

Co-worker AmyBeth, who we call AB, landed a new nickname for herself during the recent lunch at GS. Suffering from sinus and ear infections & nursing those with meds, she wasn’t herself. Carrie sat to her left & did some interpreting, making apologies for a few of AB's comments (“that’s the codeine talking”), then later just found it easier to call AB “Codeine.” The nicknames might seem like a little much, but they keep us entertained. One of the more insightful** among us, Leanna, has been dubbed “Crystal Ball” among other things. Not funny unless you’d been there the day at H-G that she was trying to come up with some wisdom, when she motioned as if she were consulting a crystal ball.

Back to GS- if you head there soon, you’ll have to share a dessert with friends (3 or 4 ways might do- so rich). Have a ball! (just excuse the loud Saturday chatter)

*I freakin love these people!
**AmyBeth/Codeine would say "inceptive" (she insists it's a word:)

missing the obvious

when christy and i were baking pumpkin bread the other night, i was looking high and low for mixing bowls. we found some that did the trick, but after the bread was in the oven, christy looked up at the wall to see three mounted pampered chef mixing bowls and said, “D, why haven’t we been using these?” genius. so, the next project will employ the better quality bowls, which were a gift from a colleague during my teaching years. but we had a good laugh and i wondered where my brain had been. i fail to catch the obvious a lot. the recent read is another example, but one that leaves me significantly more mystified. how have i known God since childhood but go on in near blindness to certain basic truths…

“i am sent into the world as one loved before the world began. when our deepest truth is that we are the beloved and when our greatest joy and peace come from fully claiming that truth, it follows that this has to become visible and tangible in the ways we eat and drink, talk and love, play and work” (Life of the Beloved by Nouwen)

one can hope! good reminder along these lines at church last night, something that encouraged me to stop cracking the whip and to work through feeling defeated over my slowness in learning. the message concluded with thoughts about dealing with past sin / present weakness and a challenge to believe the gospel and walk in light of its hope: Jesus has forgiven and conquered past and present.

also learned this weekend to make some white chocolate etc. cookies. used christy’s aunt’s dough recipe and then she threw in white chocolate chips, macadamia nuts and dried blueberries. she also put some dough aside for chocolate chips, nuts and coconut. loved both!

more pumpkin

Got a little more cosmetic help on the site from friends Ben and Liza the other day. It was pretty hilarious how excited I was over simply seeing the heading centered (meaning I don’t get out much). I’m sure I’ll call on them again, but I hope to learn to navigate this some on my own too.

Now to the baking. Last night, it was pumpkin cheese bread. The cream cheese being the reason I chose it. Oh and the remaining pumpkin from the aforementioned Autumn Panic 2009. But back to the topic of cream cheese, for a confession: I may or may not be ignoring results from a recent health screening that sort of indicated I should be watching the cholesterol level.

Christy- who walked into the house like a breath of fresh air- made the bread with me. She’s pretty seasoned in the kitchen. Baking seems a favorite pastime for her and her mom- next week she promises to teach her specialty, white chocolate macadamia nut blueberry something oh man. Focusing... She was tasked with dry ingredients while I mixed the cream cheese, butter, eggs and pumpkin. Quick/easy with a tasty outcome: moist but not too rich. Breakfast for a few days! (by the way, this one also came from allrecipes.com)

We decided that chatting while baking can be tricky, for me that’s mainly because I’m a novice and have to check everything three times. So thankfully, for the hour that it spent in the oven, we were able to catch up on the weekend/Monday and on a book we’re both reading (Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen- do it!)

...and watched the most recent Office episode. Michael, your social awkwardness pains me. I cannot fully tell you how nervous it makes me to see that man standing at a microphone. Kind of how I feel trying to figure out the mechanics of blogging.

blog in progress & baking w/pumpkin

so, this site is obviously still under construction. thanks to hannah (best friend of 23 years who has a wonderful blog about her little men:), there's at least a background now. im trying my hand today at putting up a pic of my brother's girlfriend & a cake we recently made. wonderful woman of God, dear friend, & now apparently a baking buddy!

our most recent feat was chocolate pumpkin cake. i think the icing was the highlight. chocolate & pumpkin did seem at first an odd combination... but one of the reviews alleged that it's "so moist you may weep." side note: i think the apple sauce it calls for had a lot to do w/that. there was no weeping, though. just a small amount of disappointment at the fact that our icing didn't drizzle down the sides in the most elegant way.

you'll notice in the picture on the right the 2 exposed layers of cake on the side. we got over that after tasting it, though. next is a pumpkin cheese bread. don't judge for all the pumpkin- i may have bought excessive amounts in the fall due to the rumor circulating about a potential shortage...

if you're interested in trying it, here's the recipe: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Pumpkin-Chocolate-Dessert-Cake/Detail.aspx

freely to enjoy

just some lunchtime thoughts about the blog's name- it was ripped from a switchfoot song.

"when i wake in the morning... i want more than just okay..."

i thought about these lyrics yesterday on a walk with a friend. it was the perfect MLK Day off- pleasant temps, clear skies, specialty pancakes* for breakfast followed by a stroll in a sleepy/quaint corner of Lexington. the verse about being given "all things freely to enjoy" came to mind while my friend pointed out that it's so clear life on earth involves more than merely survival.

the switchfoot song continues, "i want... more than fine, more than bent on getting by..."

...which brings to mind the complaint of a (fictional) old soul, a jane austen character who bemoaned a sense of her life becoming "a quick succession of busy nothings." the monotony of routine does at times seem to threaten an enthusiastic, all-there approach to life, but the offer of abundant life isn't merely a gift of continuous pleasant feelings. yes, we're meant for more than just plowing through, more than eat, sleep, repeat. not simply, survival? check. but what is the "next thing...? do it in love." (a helpful reminder from brennan manning's the furious longing of God- i recommend. along w/ the below pancake concoction :)

*try coconut, pineapple, banana & pecan in the batter & even a little on top, pre-syrup. so good!